The Nuttiest Nutcracker (1999)

Even if you’ve watched every Christmas special on Netflix, you can go ahead and skip this direct-to-video production inspired by The Nutcracker story. The movie retains the basic elements of the holiday classic but throws in a few extras, like talking food and a cheese kingdom. Which is great I suppose; I generally don’t object to cheese anything. But who knew chatty legumes would bring so much chaos? By the time the broccoli is barreling down the cheese mine, you’d wish the creators would have just stuck with a simple retelling.

There’s no need to complicate an already strange story about a girl, her nutcracker doll, a rat king, and dancing sugar plums. The movie begins when Marie, disheartened by the news that her parents are away for Christmas, receives a handsome nutcracker from her uncle. This is where things take a creative turn. A bowl of mixed nuts enters the picture to provide some commentary. The party mix includes an innocent little peanut, a wizened walnut grandpa, and an old timey sheriff nut, among others. They explain that the Mouse Queen was jealous of the prince’s love for a princess, so she bit the beautiful maiden, turning her into the ugliest thing ever. The prince broke the spell by cracking the hardest nut in the kingdom, but that act weakened him so much that he turned into a lifeless nutcracker doll. Okay.

But whatever, the important thing is that the Mouse Queen’s son, Reginald the Rat King, wants to do good by his mama, and battles the nutcracker, who gets some help from the Christmas Eve spread that’s suddenly come to life. Reginald decides to capture the nuts and make them work in his cheese mine, and yes, I am still describing the plot to The Nutcracker. Eventually, we get traces of the original story. Marie shrinks down to size to help in the battle, and after Reginald is nominally defeated, she journeys up her Christmas tree with her new friends to find the Sugar Plum Fairy. They hope that the fairy can help them bring the Christmas star to the top of the tree and restore Christmas.

Now I don’t object to talking animals or food, and I quite like the idea of a princess donning a camembert crown, but there’s little rhyme or reason to the anthropomorphism. Half the movie ends up being really noisy food flying around the screen with only occasional strains of Tchaikovsky’s music. The most distracting thing, however, is the time capsule animation, which reminds me of a discount computer game I would have bought from the K-Mart bargain bin in the late 1990s. Suffice it to say, that’s where this video should have stayed.

Released: 1999
Prod:  Dan Krech, Diane Eskenazi
Dir: Harold Harris
Writer: Diane Eskenazi, Sindy McKay
Cast: Debi Derryberry, Kevin Schon, Cheech Marin, Desirée Goyette, Jim Cummings, Tress MacNeille, Cam Clarke, Phyllis Diller, Jim Belushi, Jeff Bennett
Time: 48 min
Lang: English
Country: United States
Reviewed: 2017