My Christmas Inn (2018)

If you’re going to watch a movie about saving the great-aunt’s inn, it might as well be one starring Rob Mayes. I know Tia Mowry-Hardrict is the main character, the one who inherits the inn, wins over the town, and learns to love Christmas, but Mayes is the one who makes it all work. Without him, it’s just another sappy romance. I mean, it’s a sappy romance regardless, but the actor has a mischievous quality that is simultaneously adorable and alluring, and I’m here for all of it. More Mayes, folks.

Jen (Mowry-Hardrict) is the lucky one who gets to spend the holidays with Brian (Mayes), lawyer by day and sleigh-maker by whenever. She takes a short break from her advertising firm and flies out to Chestnut Hill, Alaska after learning her Aunt Helen left her a whole ass inn and not a collection of ventriloquist dolls. It’s a nice surprise to put it mildly, but Jen’s about to be promoted to creative director and doesn’t need to be taking care of an inn as a side hustle. The plan is to spruce it up, sell the place, and then jet back to the office Christmas party.

The longer she stays in Chestnut Hill though, the more attached she becomes. Not one for Christmas festivities, Jen is forced to partake in some holiday merriment by people like Lana (Melanie Nelson), who puts her in charge of the gingerbread booth. She also befriends Molly (Erin Gray), Brian’s mother and owner of a popular café, and Molly’s regulars. Jen’s involvement in the community gives her another perspective, one that’s different from the fast-paced advertising world she’s used to. Her new relationships don’t get her ahead professionally but are fulfilling in other ways, and she rediscovers her love of art. As she leafs through Aunt Helen’s letters, she starts to see the importance of the inn and her aunt’s legacy.

The movie draws you in with some compelling supporting characters. Even those with smaller parts have a story to tell, and like Jen, it’s easy to become invested in everyone’s business. Still, I can’t look away from her and Brian. They have a charged relationship and set off sparks the moment he sees her at the airport and realizes she’s not a sixty year old woman. Both can give and take a joke, which makes it fun for us to watch. The movie’s not going to win awards, but at least the actors elevate the game.

Someone should win an award though because Balsam Bloody Hill has its fingers all over this thing. Golf claps to the online Christmas decorations company for most conspicuous product placement. And I don’t mean amateur stuff like copious shots of box labels. I’m talking whole chunks of script set aside for advertising copy. I just hope Mowry-Hardrict gets a cut of that overpriced tree money because she sold that shit.

Released: 2018
Dir: Peter Sullivan
Writer: Anna White
Cast: Tia Mowry-Hardrict, Rob Mayes, Jackee Harry, Tim Reid, Erin Gray, Tanya Wright, Melanie Nelson, David Starzyk, Melanie Stone, Mason D. Davis
Time: 90 min
Lang: English
Country: United States
Network: Lifetime
Reviewed: 2019

Magic Stocking (2015)

You learn something new all the time, and today I found out that my cap on magic-themed Christmas films is one. This week, I’ve seen movies about magical shoes, ornaments, and Santas and enjoyed exactly one of them (the shoes). I thought I’d try my luck on the magical stockings, but like most gambles, this was a fail. I confess the gloomy Thanksgiving weather and five pounds of cranberry sauce in my gut may have put me off watching anything, but I’m also worn out by the plot device. You know Hallmark’s just going to choose another inanimate wish-granting Christmas object for next year’s lineup.

The mediocre story doesn’t help things. Lindsey (Bridget Regan), the main character, is beset by grief and has not been able to move past her husband’s death a few years ago. I get it and sympathize, but man, she really digs into her feelings and keeps everything from moving forward. It’s one episode of sadness and pessimism and anger after another. She hasn’t done much in the way of celebrating Christmas, and that’s been on a drag on her daughter, Hannah (Imogen Tear). Her mom, Donna (Iris Quinn), is also less than thrilled to be dealing with a moody daughter again.

You’d think Lindsey would rediscover the spirit of Christmas once her daughter brings home a box of decorations and an old stocking from a Christmas fair. The empty stocking starts to yield trinkets, which Hannah and Donna take as signs of hope and joy. Lindsey, however, strengthens her opposition to all this merrymaking. She snaps at her daughter, who won’t let go of her puppy pipedream, and at her mom for encouraging her to take some chances in life again.

A colleague also bears the consequences of her temper. In fairness, Scott (Victor Webster) is the reason for some of Lindsey’s frustrations. He has been hired by her boss, Mayor Fred (Fred Henderson), to rebuild his grandfather’s gazebo for an important Christmas lighting ceremony. He insists on reconstructing it using the original plans, except those are missing and he can’t bring himself to slap any old thing together.

Here you have a story of two people who have trouble letting go. They can’t see how their actions affect others and they don’t trust those closest to them to guide them through change. Unfortunately, this isn’t the kind of movie where Lindsey and Scott join forces, however grudgingly, and work things out. Instead of small, painful victories, it’s just the two of them banging on about the same things until everyone’s exhausted and they finally reach enlightenment. If it weren’t for a couple cute puppies along the way, and Donna’s much more cheer-filled relationship with Fred, I’d want to take that magic stocking and stuff it.

Released: 2015
Dir: David Winning
Writer: Buddy Baron
Cast: Bridget Regan, Victor Webster, Iris Quinn, Imogen Tear, Fred Henderson
Time: 90 min
Lang: English
Country: United States
Network: Hallmark Movies and Mysteries
Reviewed: 2019

A Christmas for the Books (2018)

Christmas for the Books is typical Hallmark pablum. It’s not must see TV, but if a bomb cyclone has wiped out your reception and this is clogging up your DVR space, it will do. Then again, you could just delete it because main character Joanna Moret (Chelsea Kane) has some maddening ideas when it comes to love.

She’s a lifestyle guru with a series of blogs and books that will give you the how-tos on everything from decorating the perfect tree to finding the perfect boyfriend. She gets the chance to expand her mini empire when a producer (Gary Brennan) offers her a national show. But first, she must prove her worth by giving a seminar and hosting his annual gala. The fact that the latter is one week away doesn’t worry her as much as the fact that she has to bring her boyfriend.

This wouldn’t be a problem if she actually had one. All the advice Joanna’s given in her Foolproof Guide to Love hasn’t helped her any, however. Desperate for a solution, she snags the first guy she sees and convinces him to play boyfriend for the week. Ted (Drew Seeley) agrees, on the condition that Joanna help him win back his girlfriend, Valerie (Alanna LeVierge), a Moret acolyte who won’t stop reciting the FGTL, chapter and verse. The con doesn’t seem that difficult to pull off, until Joanna meets the producer’s son, Del (Chad Connell), and Valerie shows up at his house.

This is one of those movies where everyone’s confused about what they want, but given the chance to sort their shit, all is forgiven. The main culprit isn’t a jealous ex or the mysterious dream guy but Joanna’s stupid rules. She’s devised a complex checklist and point system for dating. Those who don’t like it, such as Drew, thinks it reduces love to a set of rules. He objects to her cold, clinical approach and prefers romance to be spontaneous and perfect in its imperfection. She, on the other hand, is all about maximizing opportunities and prioritizing oneself.

As much as the story tries to generate conflict, I just didn’t feel anything for this couple. They have some heated back-and-forths, and Kane and Seeley are capable sparring partners. Unfortunately, good enough doesn’t cut it when Hallmark is putting out a hundred Christmas movies every year. I have my favorites, I’m sticking to them, and Christmas for the Books isn’t it.

Alt Title: Christmas by the Book
Released: 2018
Dir: Letia Clouston
Writer: Thommy Hutson
Cast: Chelsea Kane, Drew Seeley, Chad Connell, Gary Brennan, Alanna LeVierge, Mikael Conde, Nneka Elliott, Jodi Larratt
Time: 90 min
Lang: English
Country: United States
Network: Hallmark Movies and Mysteries
Reviewed: 2019